Happy.

The other day Matthew came home from school and announced that he was a changed man. He had watched a documentary on Netflix called “Happy,” and he had decided that he was ready to try lots of new things and have lots of new experiences. According the documentary, intentional behaviors and novel experiences make up a whopping 40% of one’s total happiness, and Matthew says he’s ready to claim that slice of his pie, so to speak.

This brand new outlook of his pleased me greatly. I am all about trying new things and having new experiences (maybe that’s why I’m a generally happy person?), and thus far, I often didn’t feel I had him on board with me in that regard. I mean, I totally understand that he’s been a little busy with law school the past couple of years, so he got a free pass for a while. But now that school is winding down (he only has two more weeks, omg), things are about to get real. Pretty soon maybe we’ll have some semblance of a normal life, and we’ll be able to incorporate normal activities and habits into our lives. We have grand plans about how fantastic that will be. But happiness only exists in the right now, right? You have to figure out how to be that now, or you’ll never figure out how to be it.

So out of curiousity, I watched the Happy documentary, too. Have you seen it? It’s a few years old now, I believe. (Here's a short trailer.) I was both intrigued and touched by it. It covers happiness research over the last 25+ years and people’s stories all over the globe, and it was just so great to be reminded that there’s so much more beyond our little bubbles, so many other ways to be and so many other definitions of happiness. According the research, only 10% of our happiness comes from things like our wealth, our health, our jobs, and our social status.  50% of our happiness comes from our genetic makeup, which I found especially interesting. The documentarly claims that most of us are born with a set happiness range that we typically fall into, regardless of whether good or bad things happen to us. I find that to be pretty true with myself and people in my life.

And the final 40% is that intentional behavior. Researchers recommend making even the tiniest changes in your routine, like running a different route on your jog or going to a different grocery store or what have you. It’s all about tricking your brain to produce more dopamine, the happiness chemical.  So if you’re someone who often finds themself in a rut or even depressed or just not as happy as you’d like to be, perhaps try signing up for a cooking or pottery or watercolor class, or hitting up a new lunch spot, or just taking a different route on your drive home. Worth a shot. ;)

What type of activities do you find make you most happy? Personally, I get a mini-happiness-high whenever I’m around dogs, beautifully presented food, and when I’m doing things that fulfill me, like writing and photography. It also feels really great to connect with other humans - whether they be people already in my life, or someone I just met in line at the grocery store.

Hope you have a happy Wednesday. :)

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Have you heard of Ommwriter?

So, Ommwriter. I'm obsessed.  Thanks so much to Emily for tweeting this to me yesterday! She thought I'd like it, and I do, I really do. First I downloaded the free version, then I downloaded the not-free version, which actually isn't a set price - you donate what you think it's worth.

I have such a hard time with staying focused lately. Well, for approximately the last three years of my life. Remember the "my blog gave me ADD post" a while back? Totally still applies. Hasn't gotten any better. Maybe worse. And this Ommwriter program, I really feel like it might help bring back some of the focus to my writing. I feel like I'm in another place when I'm there. I actually wrote a POEM yesterday - it just flew right out of my fingers and onto the screen. I haven't written a poem in years.

Check out Ommwriter in action over here on their website (click "see it in action" to watch the video), and decide for yourself if this is something that might enhance your creativity. It's sure working for me.

PS - If you download, Ommwriter, I highly recommend wearing headphones while you use it. It blocks out your fingers banging on the keyboard and allows you to better enjoy the ambient sounds provided.
PPS - have you heard of Coffitivity? That's another one that helps me focus while I work.

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If you don't ask, you don't get.

an oldie, but still one of my faves.

Can I talk about this guy for a minute? Just for a minute, I promise. To be quite honest with you, three-quarters of the time this guy drives me bat-shit crazy, and we both, in fact, routinely make sadistic jokes about desiring to push the other down the stairs or inflict other mild injuries that won't necessarily mortally wound but will definitely cause discomfort, but despite that, we love each other like crazy. I think finally, after three years of marriage, we're both feeling very secure in that fact. 

Lately I have felt this profound sense of gratitude for being given the gift of this relationship and its influence in my life. I remember having a conversation with my mom once, really early on in my relationship with Matthew, and I was telling her about what a go-getter he is, how driven and determined and assertive he is. She was super happy for me and my happiness, of course, but I remember her bringing it to my attention that often the things we love about our sigO in the beginning are the very same personality traits that wind up driving us nuts later on, or manifesting themselves in different ways that aren't as attractive. And I think that has been so true for both me and Matthew. Determined and assertive can also feel like stubborn and abrasive, at times... things like that. But I am learning to accept the good with the not-so-good, and love this man I married for all the things that make up who he is, even the parts I'm not as fond of. I'm sure he could write an entire book on my not-so-good traits, as well, so touché. 

Anyway, that was two whole paragraphs just to get warmed up and say what I really want to say. I felt compelled to tell it here because not everyone has a Matthew in their life, and I wanted to share some of the lessons this guy has taught me.  

From day one of meeting him, I have been blown away by his sheer tenacity (as evidenced in our love story and his persistence in the beginning there). Nevermind that he's a good-looking guy who may or may not possess a Super Power of melting people's brains with his eyes, but besides that, he simply does the hard or uncomfortable things that most people won't, like sometimes simply asking for what he wants or needs. Not accepting the current standard or rules. Expecting better from people.

I think the number one thing I've learned from Matthew can be summed up in a phrase I've heard him say multiple times over the last four years of knowing him: "if you don't ask, you don't get." I think so often we all live with this crippling fear of rejection... maybe it's a pride thing, or maybe it's just a lack of confidence thing. But too often we are afraid to reach out, to negotiate, to ask for a discount, to invite a prominent person in your profession out to lunch, and so on. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed this guy simply asking for something I would have been way too chicken to ask for, and then he gets it. So much of the time! He has saved us literally thousands of dollars on things like furniture or car repairs or vet visits or prescriptions, because he'll ask if there are discounts available to people like students or he'll search online for coupons or otherwise just take extra steps that "normal" people (such as myself) are too lazy to take, and then we pay extra for it. Another example! Back when he started law school, he found a guy on LinkedIn that was a part of the same fraternity in a different state back in college, graduated from his same law school, and is now a partner in a local law firm, and Matthew just cold-called the guy and asked him out to lunch. He made a good connection and friend he now sees all the time. Things like that. The list goes on and on of these things I've seen Matthew do, but the bottom line is it's just a little extra effort that most people wouldn't make, and most importantly, he doesn't let fear of failure or rejection paralyze his life. The worst someone can say to you when you ask them for a favor is "no." And really, how bad is that? The reward usually always outweighs the potential risk. A little at a time, Matthew's no-apologies approach to pursuing goals is rubbing off on me, though I like to think I bring fine feminine sensibilities and more empathy to the table, which makes us a good team. ;)

Bottom line: ask for what you need! Whether that's from your significant other (I need more words of affirmation! I need more foreplay! I need marriage counseling! ha), from your cable provider (Matthew actually got our monthly bill down from over $100 to $40 once?!), your car mechanic, your wedding vendors, your boss, your friend, and the list goes on! It's not always about money, I hope I'm making that clear. It's just about not being ashamed or timid when it comes to creating your own life. If you don't ask, you don't get. A good thing to remember. :)

Happy Wednesday!

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How are you doing on your New Year's goals?

a picture from Instagram of my new glasses, just because.

This morning I had planned to put up a different post, but instead of diving right into my work, I did something I've been meaning to do every morning in the month of January, but majorly dropped the ball on: beginning my day with a "quiet time." For me, quiet time includes mostly prayer and visualization of achieved goals, and lasts about 5 to 10 minutes (that's all I seem to have the attention span for, for pretty much anything these days). For you, quiet time may or may not include prayer, and it might happen in the shower or while you're nursing your baby or on the car ride in to work or right there at your desk before your day begins. I'm trying to remember that there's no wrong way to do a quiet time--the point is to get yourself centered each morning - to get your head in the game - focusing on what you want to accomplish, and ready to work towards your goals.

Goals. Speaking of those, how did you do on your resolutions in January? I wrote down some overarching goals at the beginning of last month, and like I mentioned in this post, I put bright neon stickers on the first of each month in my calendar throughout the remainder of the year, to remind me to revisit and reevaluate those goals every month. It's already the 4th of February now, but I still sat down and took a look at what I'd written out last month, and as it happens, I only followed through with ONE of the five most major ones I wanted to accomplish in January (the one I followed through on was to blog at least 6 of my backlogged photo sessions, and I blogged 8, over on my photography blog. Hooray!).

I was pretty disappointed, though, to see that I hadn't done the other four pretty major things I wanted to  have completed last month, and it got me thinking about the difference between successful people and people who never quite get things done. I think the difference is FOCUS and ACTION. My husband is the most focused and action-oriented person I have ever know, and it's why he succeeds at anything and everything he puts his mind to. Because while the rest of us are twiddling our thumbs and talking about and writing about and dreaming about our goals, the successful people are making it happen through whatever means it takes. Writing those emails, making those calls, putting in late hours, making big sacrifices, setting priorities, taking risks, putting themselves out there, doing hard or tedious things that other people don't have patience for, and so on.

So I guess the conclusion that I've come to is that, no, January wasn't a complete loss just because I only accomplished one of my five goals. It was a learning experience, and a chance to tweak how I'm doing things to ensure that MORE of those goals get reached in the month of February. Months serve as excellent mile-markers, but change comes in the decisions we make right now, in the present. Action-oriented decisions, like to have a quiet time in the morning and get centered, and then lay out your list of actions needed to get you where you need to be. But the most critical part is in the doing them.

Lastly, if you're not deeply offended by a little strong language, go read this article titled "6 harsh truths that will make you a better person." It seriously blew my mind, and opened my eyes (it's hilarious, too). What you DO really is all that matters.

SO GO DO STUFF.

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Dream Following: a pep talk

photo by Brittney Squire

All around the blogosphere and Pinterest and in popular self-help literature and TV shows you hear lots of talk about dream following. Just on my own Pinterest page I must have 50 pins about doing what makes you come alive and about following your dreams even when they scare you and about being whoever you want to be, no matter your age. I see these little nuggets of wisdom and I momentarily swell with some brilliant sense of inspiration and empowerment--a fleeting thing I wish I could hold onto every day and night.

But the truth is that following your dreams, if you have them, really is a scary thing, and it takes more than just an inspiration board on Pinterest to keep you pursuing what you love. Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted to be a writer--not a blog writer, but a book writer. This past year I decided to make it happen, so I bought some books about novel writing and started setting aside time to work on my first book. I was obsessed with the idea of it all: fleshing out the characters and weaving a tale worth reading.  But it so happens that the story never really materialized, and I found myself frustrated and not really ready, somehow.  So I decided to pursue other passions for the time being--passions that fall into line with my overarching goal, which is to be my own boss and work from home. That's when j. noel photography was born. It was born as a wee little "well, this will have to do since I really do enjoy it and since I'm constipated in the fiction writing department" (or maybe just not good enough, so says the little voice inside...) And you know, it's been so fulfilling for me so far. Photography is something you can absolutely excel at if you have the passion and the talent and the time.

If you're like me, though, your fears get in the way sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I've, just before a photo session, wondered wildly if there was a way I could get out of it. I'm not sure why I have that impulse, but I think a lot of us do. The impulse to run the other way when something seems too big and important and scary and potentially life altering and fulfilling. And then sometimes, when you see things working out for you, you wonder when it's all gonna go to pot  and you'll find out you weren't good at it after all and people were making fun of you behind your back.

I just wrote this in an email to someone, and I'll say it again here. In times like these, you have to learn to just put your head down and barrel right through those emotions and those insecurities...  like a bull, not looking back or left or right, but straight ahead, at the waving flag. Maybe you're not perfect yet, but who has ever started out at something and been immediately the greatest? No one ever, that's who. Because there's a gap, and when I realized that, it changed everything for me, and helped me to be OK with not being perfect for a while, or maybe ever. The point, though, is to be moving in the right direction. I am someone who likes to stay where she is, to a fault. Likes to dream about where she'll be one day, but never making steps towards it, out of fear or insecurity or just plain laziness.

So, yeah. I guess what I've learned so far, on this journey that I'm still traveling and sometimes messily, is that you have to be a bull when it comes to getting what you want, or you'll never get it. I don't mean you need to run over other people to get what you want, but more that you need to run over your own damn self and tell yourself to stop getting in your own way.

I'll leave you with my favorite quote:

“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love.  Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well people can’t take their eyes off you.”  --Maya Angelou

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This blew me away.

Source: fab.com via Jenni on Pinterest

 

My girl Sarah posted a version of this the other day, and it blew me away.  I feel like I am THERE.  In that gap—photography, writing… hell, even in my my efforts as a WIFE.  I found this SO encouraging.  Like, wow wow wow. YES.  I hope some of you find it encouraging too.  Happy Friday!

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